I Choose the Way of the Cross

I don’t know how to put words to the season the Lord has me in, the adventure He is leading me on.

There are moments where He lifts the veil and gives me a glimpse into His plan, but mostly, it is just steady.

A steady “trust me”.

A steady “I am the God of the impossible”.

A steady “I love you”.

But throughout it all, I am most certain of one thing.

That Jesus is making my heart more like His.

And to have a heart like His, it needs to suffer like His, break like His, forgive like His and love like His.

There is no other way, there is no other path.

I feel like I am only brushing the surface of understanding and participating in His Pascal Mystery, this cyclical pattern of suffering, death and resurrection. 

But I am brushing a surface that many others may not get to experience. 

Why me Lord? Why this way?

The question I bring to prayer almost every day.

I find myself tearing up as I write this: tears of sadness laced with hope. Tears of mourning grounded in faith. Tears of agony overshadowed by mercy.

Why me Lord? Why this way?

I do not yet fully know that answer, but what I do know is this.

That our God cannot be outdone in generosity, in power and in might.

That the greater the death, the greater the heartbreak, the greater the suffering - the greater the resurrection, the greater the testimony.

I am not writing this from a place of resurrection, yet.

And when there is resurrection, oh how sweet it will be.

But to sit here, in the suffering, in the death - invited into this mysterious place of transformation with the Lord, comforting His heart with my own… oh is it ever beautiful. Is it ever sacred.

If I could do it all again, I would still choose this way. 

I would still choose to walk the way of the Cross with you Jesus. 

Because You are the Way.

You are the Truth.

You are the Life.

Jesus, I trust You.