My Faith Testimony

I have grown up in a strong Catholic family, attending Sunday mass, involved in Youth Ministry, and participating in Catholic Education. My parents taught my sisters and I moral values and exposed us to many opportunities to grow in our faith and be involved in church life. Growing up in very traditional Italian family, Sunday mass always felt like more of a cultural practice, however that changed when a special young woman entered into our lives as a babysitter for my sisters and I. Our friendship with this young woman and her family changed the way our family approached our Catholic faith, and in a very personal way, her influence as an older-sister figure in my life taught me about having a relationship with God. Because of her inspiring impact on my life, my faith became very important to me. However, reflecting back, I can see that I viewed faith as a “rulebook” to live my life. Although our family would have conversations about faith at home and amongst ourselves, I never brought up faith or really talked about God with friends or at school, and thus I never viewed Christ as someone who I could know personally. I deeply desired to be able to live my life for God the way my friend did, but I didn’t think that I would ever be perfect enough for that type of faith.

The summer before I entered University, I would say that I was at an all-time low in my faith. Looking back, I can see how at this point in my life, I deeply I struggled with the idea of perfection. I wanted to be perfect in everything I did, and I believed that only then, after I had been the student with the highest grades, the athlete who excelled at the most sports and the individual with the most friends, would I finally be successful and accepted. As this attitude and struggle with perfection continued, this led me to a place coming out of high school where I was afraid to open up about anything going on in my life. I felt so abandoned and guilty because of my attempts to find fulfillment in a life where I was living for everyone and everything that I thought would finally make me worthy and fulfilled. I felt a deep inadequacy and insecurity about myself, feelings which transferred to my relationship with God. I felt that I couldn’t trust even Him with my fears and emotions, and that I wasn’t deserving or perfect enough for His love. It was during this time that I was invited to attend a Catholic Youth conference (Steubenville Conferences) with a few others from our parish. Although I initially did not want to go, that weekend absolutely blew me away! During adoration on the second night, the priest asked us to open our hearts to Jesus and to invite him into our lives to change us. Up to this point I felt fully accepting and open, however at this priest’s invitation I suddenly felt a gripping fear. I didn’t know what it meant to invite Jesus into your life, and I definitely was not perfect enough for the sort of life he was offering. I distinctly remember a moment when I actually walked out of the building, and turned my back on Jesus, saying no to His offer. Ultimately, I was afraid to let Jesus fully into my life that weekend, because I felt unworthy of God’s love and more importantly, was afraid to trust Him.

But God was pursuing my heart and wasn’t going to stop there! Even though I rejected the offer to let Jesus into my heart at that conference, as my first year of University went on I started to feel this deep desperation to find real purpose in my life, and I was yearning for something more. And so, by God’s grace I was invited to attend Steubenville again the next summer as Youth Leader. Once again during adoration, the priest asked us to freely let Jesus into our hearts. It was in that moment I heard the words “Don’t be afraid, I love you”, and without really knowing what it meant or what I was doing, I gave my initial yes and surrendered my heart to Jesus. In that moment, I made my first step towards giving my life to Jesus because by finally letting Him into my heart, I encountered His love for me in a profound and life-changing way. This decision let me to take a Catholic Christian Outreach faith study on my campus in the fall, where I realized I didn’t have to be perfect to have a personal relationship with Christ! At the end of the study, I made the concrete decision to put Jesus at the centre of my life. This decision gave me the courage and conviction to bring all my past sins and burdens to confession, where I finally found true healing and peace in God’s love and mercy.

Since my decision to put Christ at the centre of my life, God has radically changed my heart and my life. He has ultimately come to show me through countless personal miracles that with Him, there is nothing to fear, and that He has a plan for my life far beyond anything I could dream of accomplishing on my own. Even in the midst of my deep imperfections, Christ continued to pursue me through these repeated invitations to love Him and trust Him fully. My favourite bible verse from 1st Corinthians 16 verses 13-14 reads “Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. Let all the you do be done in love”. This passage reminds me each day that Christ does not require perfection, and that I am not alone in this journey. All He asks is that I say yes, and to trust His plans for me, even if I can’t see the full picture. I invite you to set aside your fears of doing being perfect for Christ, because He loves you and pursues you despite your past and failings. Consider Following Him, and in the words of St John Paul the Great “Life with Christ is a wonderful adventure”.