Saved: A Short Poem

One of the struggles I have always battled with in my life is my inability to recognize and admit to my own feelings and fears. I convinced myself that showing vulnerability or asking for help is a sign of weakness, and so I constantly bottle up and internalize my insecurities so as to only show people the bright and happy sides to myself. One of the only ways in which I began to slowly let out these emotions was through writing rough poetry. Sometimes I would look back at what I had written and experience an unnerving sense of shock in that I did not even realize the depth of what I was feeling. Now, I definitely do not believe myself to be an eloquent poet, however the form and structure of poetry helped me, and continues to help my sort through and organize my emotions so as to be able to slowly start to reveal them and be more honest with myself and others. Poetry also has guided me through my own faith journey, and in a lot of ways helped me realize the insecurities that have held me back from a relationship with Christ. In 10 short stanzas of verse, I realize the depth of my insecurities, and finally acknowledge that I cannot struggle alone. May you too turn to the Father and realize that He will never fail you and can heal even the parts of yourself that you didn’t realize needed healing. Trust in Him! He so desperately wants you to receive His love.

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My Lord loves everyone,

He cares for all abundantly,

His mercy is infinite,

But how could His mercy extend to me?

I can give Him my heart,

But expect no reward or bounty,

No consolation will I ever receive

For how could His forgiveness extend to me?

I can serve Him each day

And do His work ceaselessly,

But I will never deserve to know Him

For His redemption cannot extend to me.

My failures are too great

My sins run too deep,

I am imperfect and flawed

And so how could His love ever extend to me.

I am broken, I am scarred

My heart I can never fully reveal

Yet, He extends a hand and asks for one thing,

He asks that I let Him heal.

Can He really love me?

In my fragments and in my pain,

In my messiness and confusion

With my heart that is so stained?

I want to say Yes,

But I am still so afraid

That I will reach up with trust

And He will be desperately dismayed.

But in the chaos of my conflicted soul,

I hear a voice calling me by name,

And finally, with free surrender,

A YES, I proclaim.

He floods my soul peace,

I feel a joy which words cannot explain

For I know that I am no longer alone

In my fear or in my pain.

My Lord loves me,

From my lips ring out “AMEN”,

For I will always run to the Father

Again and again and again.